are you alright?
Sorry I’ve stayed off tumble for a while… And I’m not alright tbh, just feeling like I’m going 100 steps back every day
Why lie? What the fuck am I doing? If anyone will understand anything or be fine with me it’s her! Why did fucking lie to her, just made her trust for me fucking vanish. I just go scared and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I have the need to lie, I convince myself of the lie for fucks sake :( EUGH I’m an idiot, why do I fuck up the best thing I have in my life? I need to see someone about this, it’s driving me insane, yet alone everyone else around me. Lying is destroying my life.
So this is the first personal post I’ve had time to write in a very long time… It’s upsetting that I only come on here when something bad has happened. Guess this is my vent. Anyway I feel horrible… So so horrible. I said the worst thing at the worst possible time just because I was angry. In one word I was a cunt. I just feel so horrible and down especially because this argument could have been easily avoided. I’m afraid she won’t forget what I said, and she has the right to remember it, I’m more afraid that she won’t be the same, that it just pushed us over the edge, that we can’t repair this rip in our relationship. I’m just such an idiot and I can’t describe to anyone how sincerely sorry I am, how disgusting and horrible I feel and how out of order I was. I’m just scared. I love you.